Are Gangs the new Families for Teenagers?

Now, I don’t quote these figures to alarm you, but just to make you aware that there are things you need to do, as a parent, to ensure that you child understands these figures and is open to discussion. You need to lead the way in the discussion and not assume that talking about it will lead to your teenager carrying a knife. Quite often, we sweep very important conversations under the carpet for fear we will highlight the subject. Well let me tell you, your child most likely knows more about this than you.

While knife crime is truly a social issue there are things we can do as a parent to support our children.

Firstly, I must mention the words due diligence – while we must allow our children freedom and the space to take risks and make mistakes, we must also be diligent as to where they are, what they are doing and who they are with; there is a fine balance here. We should not interfere, however we should be asking and ensuring that they feel safe.

Communication. I cannot emphasis this enough and communication is not you talking and your child listening! Have open and honest conversations with them. Ask them whether they feel safe on the streets. Do they know anyone who carries knives? How do they feel about knives? Under what circumstances would they consider it, if at all? Parents do stay very clear of these kinds of questions for fear that they may be making their teenager aware of something that, previously, they were not aware of, or because they may not like the answer. You should be having conversations with your children about sex, drugs, crime, etc. as early as you can. These issues do not go away just because you ignore them!

Use the media as an opportunity. OK, so the media can be very good at moral panic, however you can use these as opportunities to deepen the discussions with your children. When knife crime is mentioned on the TV, ask your child what they think, engage them in conversations about the topic. Ask them how they feel people could deal with situations without resorting to violence. Use every opportunity you have.

Look at your parenting style. Are you emotional, flying off the handle at everything? Can you, as a role model, show you child how to handle their emotions? Are you over-controlling or just not listening to your child’s point of view? These factors could lead to an angry and alienated child, who may look for solace elsewhere. Are they included in the family? Do you tell them what is good about them? Do you distinguish between behaviour and the person, or do you just tell them how bad they are all the time? If you child does not feel included, respected and important in your family community, then they will look to a community elsewhere that will accept them.

Talk to your child about belonging. Some children have a greater need to belong than others. The ones with a higher need are more likely to do what it takes to be included in a gang. How does your child feel about fitting in with the crowd, is belonging important to them? Do they feel that they belong to your family?

Managing emotions….are you teaching your child to manage their emotions? First as a role model and then on a practical day-to-day level. Are you talking with them about feelings and how to manage uncomfortable emotions?

There is no doubt, bridging a child up in today’s society is difficult and demanding. However, you cannot afford to ignore what is happening in the world in the hope that it will avoid your child. You must be diligent and vigilant.

I stand by the ancient words of Pliny the Elder, who said that whatever we do to our children, they will do to society. The only way to really solve this epidemic is to slowly and fully change the way as a society that we treat our young people. They feel unsafe, alienated, scared, disrespected and angry and these are the drivers that will determine if a young person will, not only carry a knife, but also use it. Most children who carry knives have absolutely no intention of ever using it and in fact, the biggest challenge is that the knife could be used against them. I do believe that we are asking the wrong questions involving this problem. Instead of asking how we can stop the knife culture, we should be asking how we can make our young people feel safe and secure. How can we integrate them into society so that they feel wanted and know that they belong? What can we do about all this anger? How can we, as a society, respect these young people instead of bringing them down all the time? It is about policing, social economics, attitudes, schooling and a whole host of other things, and the situation will only change if we address all of these factors. We need to get out on the streets and start making young people part of the solution, not the problem. Sitting in an office, dreaming up plans from the perspective of a suit will never ever solve what we have here, Anyway, enough of the soap box talk. As a parent, ensure that you use every opportunity to highlight these conversations in your home. The more open and honest you can be, the more likely it is that your child will come to you when there is a problem.