Hellotxt

"Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success." *

"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune." *

"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little... *

"If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military,... *

"There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness." *

"It is bad luck to be superstitious." *

"Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them." *

"I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS." *

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." *

"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it w... *

"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television." *

"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody." *

"People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust." *

"Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money." *

"Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking." *

"I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits." *

"Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?" *

"A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people." *

"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." *

"Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it." *

"There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking." *

"A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education." *

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow." *

"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." *

"Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man." *

"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well." *

"My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared." *

"In the fight between you and the world, back the world." *

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture." *

"Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster." *

"Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier." *

"It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated." *

"It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge." *

"Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is." *

"The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it." *

"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows." *

"About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment." *

"You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public." *

"You give my regards to St. Peter, or whoever has his job, but in Hell." *

"Cynically speaking, one could say that it is true to life to be cynical about it." *

"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles." *

"The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else." *

"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim." *

"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom." *

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." *

"I'm glad I didn't have to fight in any war. I'm glad I didn't have to pick up a gun. I'm glad I didn't get killed or kill somebody.... *

"He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have." *

"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." *

"First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing w... *

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." *

"I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure." *

"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." *

"Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned." *

"History is the short trudge from Adam to atom." *

"In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes." *

"We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to." *

"With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a l... *

"A chess genius is a human being who focuses vast, little-understood mental gifts and labors on an ultimately trivial human enterprise." *

"The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorshi... *

"I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious." *

"One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience." *

"Everything you can imagine is real." *

"The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois." *

"Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the inter... *

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." *

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." *

"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and n... *

"Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing." *

"It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them." *

"Without the aid of prejudice and custom I should not be able to find my way across the room." *

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand" *

"A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms." *

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them." *

"When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me i... *

"Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated." *

"I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading." *

"There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers." *

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death." *

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." *

"Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else." *